Wednesday night's (Sept. 10) episode of "Big Brother 4" is like every Wednesday episode before it. Filled to the brim with filler and fluff. It's the television equivalent of Styrofoam peanuts. Sadly, the gift beneath is only four annoying houseguests and one Julie Chen. I was hoping for a DVD myself.

It's Day 68, and Julie Chen looks lovely in a modified version of "the Rachel" hairdo, black slacks and a patterned silk blouse. The blouse, however, has suspicious strings hanging from the sleeves. If ever there was a moment to call Julie a puppet, it might just be right now.

It's been a long seven days for the Final Four. Alison holds all the power. She's playing Erika and Jun like there's no tomorrow, and is lovin' every minute of it.

"If I had balls, I would say [Alison] has me by the balls," says Jun. Never has a more truer statement been uttered this season.

Everyone has an alliance with Alison. Where does she get this game? She's a baller and a shot-caller -- that's fo'shizzle. Rob, however, is happy that Alison is turning to him for "advice." She can't think of any reason to keep Jun around, but still doesn't know (or won't let on) which way she'll side.

Maybe she's not so much of a shot-caller after all.

Erika and Robert have another heart-to-heart. It makes Erika cry, because she feels like Rob is sincere about wanting to rekindle their friendship. If ever Erika had kids, Robert says he'd take care of them like they were his own. So he'll go out in his convertible and womanize at the salsa club every evening. How quaint.

Back in the living room, Julie greets the clique and offers her usual pleasantries. We find out that Alison's favorite part of the (Goodyear) blimp ride was just to "get away from the game." Jun misses Jee, because she has no one good to pick on and the trash hasn't been discarded since he left. I can so see why Jee wanted to date her.

Poor Robert. He's had to endure a lot during this past Jee-free week. Alison's voice annoys him, as does her constant preening. Jun constantly talks about sex, and the last thing he wants to do is imagine her having it. Thankfully, he's got Erika. He likes it when she walks around in her little black bikini. He imagines what he used to do to her. I imagine this montage ending.

Rob then discusses the game, alone in the HoH bedroom, with Miss Chen. He's happy that he's mended the burnt bridge with Erika, and he's vaguely sorry he called the lady houseguests "whores," "sluts" and "bitches." We accept your apology, Robert -- as long as it gets this episode moving.

"We're only moments away from the live eviction," Julie says. She tells us this after every break, but it's never true. Why do you lie to me, Julie? Why?

Julie introduces a "Where Are They Now?" medley about the first three BB4 evictees -- Amanda, Michelle and David. Let's see ... David's moved to Los Angeles to surf and is currently sponging off the government. Michelle went back to her college in Florida and thinks it's fun getting recognized. Amanda chain-smokes and manages a bar in Chi-town. Yup, seems like everything's in order.

Oh -- I bet you're wondering about the Horizontal Mambo action between David and Amanda. Amanda explains that it "just kinda happened," and she doesn't regret it. Neither does David, who says his grandma was excited to hear herself mentioned during the post-coital bliss. It's all so very wrong.

Meanwhile, at the Jury House, the crew's gone fishin' -- literally. Nathan captures a whale of a bullfish, while Jack's is more like fish food. Dana and Justin make like Leo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet on the stern of the Titanic. The Man Troll and the Midget are so romantic, aren't they?

Nathan, so horny that even the Man Troll looks good to him now, hopes that it's Alison who walks through the door as Juror No. 5. No such luck -- it's lil' ol' Jee.

The minute he walks in, he looks at Justin and Dana and says, "You guys have been getting' it on, huh?" The crowd erupts with laughter. Thankfully, watching a tape of the previous week's BB4 antics, eating BBQd fish and throwing water balloons at Jee keeps the image of a Man Troll/Midget groove out of everyone's mind.

The longest moments in recorded history finally tick by, and it's time for the Veto and Eviction ceremony. As predicted, Alison uses the Power on herself -- thereby putting Erika in her place and securing her own spot in the final three.

Julie gives Erika and Jun a chance to plead their cases, and they both do by practically saying the same thing. Alison needs to play for herself, blah blah we-pretend-we-don't-care cakes. Julie asks Alison for her vote, and she tearfully tells Erika to skedaddle.

Erika might feel a wee bit betrayed, but she doesn't blame Ali in the slightest. And she's happy to have renewed a friendship with Robert. "What a long strange trip it's been," she sighs. With a quick cry (after Robert's taped message), Julie sends dear Erika off to the Jury House. At least Daddy Jack will be there to entertain her.

The HoH competition is even more convoluted than usual. It's three parts long, and whoever wins Round One moves into Round Three. The other two peeps compete in Round Two, and that winner moves to Round Three. With me so far? Finally, whoever's victorious in Round Three is crowned HoH. Is it even worth this much trouble?

It might be, at least for the home viewer. As Robert, Jun and Alison take their places on their respective BB doghouses -- and grab onto the oversized keys they've got to hold until they can't hold 'em no more -- they're pelted with hail the size of tennis balls. You can almost hear the BB4 production staff laughing maniacally in the background.

Yes, Virginia -- there is a Santa Claus.